am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
