i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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