Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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