Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
