And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
