Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
