She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
