Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
