Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
