right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
