would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
