I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
