How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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