Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
