In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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