I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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