I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
