Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
