good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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