Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
