MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forget how to act sober
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
