So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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