I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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