She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
