seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
