we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize