I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
