My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
