Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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