My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
