Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
