i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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