Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am midnight drunk by noon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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