Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
