I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
