You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
