he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
