Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
