All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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