I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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