she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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