i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
