It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
