tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
