im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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