The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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