dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
