I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
