She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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