and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
