there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
