I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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