I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
