I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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