got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Green mimosas i think yes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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