Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
