lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
