Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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