New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
