i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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