I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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