can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
two words: eviction party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
