they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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