I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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