everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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