careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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