Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
