i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
