yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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