So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize