Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
