I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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