im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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