Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize