i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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