Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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