you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
only you would photoshop your dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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